People-Pleasing and Perfectionism Kill Goals

People-Pleasing and perfectionism can kill many goals before you even take step one. If you have a long-time dream that you are excited about perfectionism might be what’s hindering accomplishment.

Part of perfectionism is the fear of making mistakes. The other part is giving the feedback and criticism from others far too much power. After years of listening to criticism from others, I became immobilized. Eventually I internalized all the criticism and made it my own. Pretty soon I was talking myself out of my goals. I didn’t even bother to have goals because I was defeated before I took step one.

The perfectionistic voice is critical even if your rough draft has mistakes! It also makes you imagine that others are criticizing you when they aren’t. Perfectionism was so devastating to me that I had to come up with a creative way to get past it. Part of my “cure” was to acknowledge the perfectionistic voice without identifying with it. I gave the perfectionistic voice a name: Puleza. Puleza was a voice in my head but it wasn’t the real me.

Puleza made it hard for me to speak up because I was afraid I would make a mistake and look foolish. I conquered the fear by including Puleza in my public speeches. Every time I did, people would laugh and tell me they had their own Puleza. This helped to take the power away from this cruel, mean voice. I was somewhat ashamed I had allowed this irrational, brutal voice to dominate my life. Yet, as I made fun of this inner-critic and brought it into the light, I experienced freedom.

If you have a Puleza, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s time to bring it to the light and laugh at it so you can achieve your goals and enjoy your life.

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Procrastination, Overcome It: Get In Gear First

Sometimes procrastination is a wise thing. Jumping the gun or rushing into action can lead to a crash and recovering from the crash can take a long time.

Many times I jumped the gun because I was listening to “shoulds” and scarcity beliefs. The beliefs sound something like this, “you should be doing more”, “why can’t you be productive like she/he is”, “if you don’t start now, you’ll regret it”, “practice what you preach”, “He/she is doing it, why aren’t you?”, “What’s wrong with you?”

Should’s come from guilt and guilt feels terrible. None of us want to feel terrible so we will usually avoid things that make us feel this way. It may have worked for your parents when you were a kid but it doesn’t work so great for adults. You might not realize it but sometimes you engage in procrastination to avoid guilt. If you dread getting up or you avoid attending to a task, stop for a moment and check in with your feelings. Take a deep breath and try to move from guilt and procrastination to a better feeling. Guilt is one of the lowest feelings there is.

When you take action from a place of fear or scarcity, your motivation will be short-lived. Not only that, it is unkind to force yourself into action just so you can look good or please others. The loving thing to do is to take time and explore what it is you truly want and to take action from a place of wisdom, joy and authenticity. Get in gear means get in tune with where you are now. Once you are in the right gear, put on the gas and move forward. Pay attention to the road and adjust as needed. Be kind to yourself and pay attention. Enjoy the journey. #iamgalvanized.

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